Do you find relationships fascinating? Perhaps you’ve noticed that humans seem to have an insatiable appetite for information about other people's relationships. This dynamic is important to grasp because if you’re a Christian because if you’re in a relationship—you need to know other people are watching how you behave. The world is watching your marriage. Your behaviour in marriage matters for your witness to a watching world! 

This will be the first of four articles in a new series: The Soul-Winning Marriage. We’re going to see in 1 Peter 3:1-7 how to behave in marriage in such an excellent way that we show the watching world the hope we have, and win souls! Peter has three lessons for wives in verse 1-6, and seven lessons for husbands in verse 7.

The first lesson for wives here in verses 1 and 2 is that Christian wives submit to win souls. 

To help you see this clearly, first of all, we’ll work through a short exposition of verse 1 and 2, and then after that we can draw some implications from what we learn.

A Brief Exposition of 1 Peter 3:1-2

Likewise, wives, - the word “likewise” directly links these commands for wives to the previous teaching on submission as citizens and slaves.

The context here is important. In this section of 1 Peter (2:11-4:11) Peter is teaching us how to show people our hope by the way we behave. Christians need to keep their behaviour excellent (kalos) in front of a watching world (2:12). We do that in order to win them. 

God has a plan to use our excellent behaviour in front of a watching world. First of all, to bring Him glory (when he saves some of our slanderers, see 2:12). Then he also plans to use our good deeds to silence our critics (see 2:15). The broader context here makes it clear however, that ultimately his plan is for our behaviour to confuse people. In chapter 3 verse 15 you can see that the expectation is that people will be forced to ask us for the reason for the hope that they see in us (and at that point we are to be ready with an answer with the Gospel). 

This then, is the overarching theme of this whole section in 1 Peter, and once you grasp that, it’s easy to see how Peter unpacks his argument. First of all, in 2:13-17, he tells us all as citizens, how to show people our hope by how we submit in society, in relationship to the authorities. Then in 2:18-25 he tells those in a servant-master relationship how to shine their hope by their submission in their workplace. This is extreme, evangelistic submission!

In 3:1-7, the focus now is on our behaviour in marriage, and yet the submission in these verses is clearly linked by this word “Likewise” to the pattern of submission Peter has already provided.

be subject - wives are now being called upon to practice this same extreme, evangelistic, voluntary self-submission in the arena of marriage.

to your own husbands, - The submission being required is restricted to their own husbands. The Bible does not place women under every man’s authority.

so that even if some do not obey the word, -  wives are encouraged to live this way so that even if they may have a husband who happens to be an unbeliever and refuses to obey the gospel... they may be won, etc. 

NB. This cannot be restricting this passage to refer only to Christian wives with unbelieving husbands, because Peter says some. The submission being commanded here, therefore, is not only for wives married to unbelievers, as a strategy to win them, but also for Christian wives in general, as part of a broader strategy to win souls by their excellent (kalos) behaviour —putting their hope on display. 

they may be won without a word  by the conduct of their wives, -  The winning strategy is not winning him with words. He will be more impressed by what you do than what you say in this situation, so the strategy is behaviour not words.

NB. Peter isn’t saying it’s without the word, but without a word. The assumption in this situation is that he has heard and understood the gospel but will not obey it.

when they see your respectful and pure conduct.  First of all, note the timing indicated here by the word when. The winning pictured in these verses takes place when they see or more literally translated as they observe the conduct (behaviour) of their wives.

Respectful here is literally in fear. Peter is not likely saying wives should be living in fear of their husbands, but conducting themselves in fear of God. 

Pure, pictures Christian wives who refuse to allow their behaviour to be contaminated by sin. 

With the meaning of these verses clear in our minds, it’s easier now to draw some implications.

Five Implications of Verses 1-2

Firstly, how we behave really matters!

The main action being highlighted again and again in this section of 1 Peter is that our behaviour matters, most notably our submission in different arenas of life. The ambition for our submission in each arena is clear: the winning of souls. A Christian woman with an unsaved husband wants to see her husband saved, and the point here is that how she behaves really matters. However, this text is not only helpful for Christian women married to unbelievers! From the broader context which points to our behaviour in front of a watching world, and from the word “some” in verse 1, we can understand that what is being said here applies just as much to Christian wives submitting to their Christian husbands in order to display their hope to a watching world in order to win souls. We must all (men and women alike) remember that people are watching our marriages, and how we behave really matters!

This kind of approach is counterintuitive. Soul-winning, as often thought, is not about winning arguments.. Peter, instead, points to our behaviour. Peter is making it clear that others should see in you a life they cannot understand. The greatest fight is not the fight to win the argument; the greatest fight is with our own unwillingness to submit. 

Secondly, submission here (in context) isn’t unqualified, blind obedience.

A lot of people object to submitting in this way out of fear. Fear of being a doormat, possibly. But Peter is not commanding blind, unqualified submission. According to the Bible, the husband is the head of his wife. But, what if he’s not obedient to the word and is leading his family towards chaos and confusion? Do you have to blindly obey everything he says? Peter’s answer is “No!” 

The context of this passage is clear that Peter doesn’t require unqualified, blanket submission to anyone except to God. In a previous article, from 1 Peter 2:16 we discussed how Christians submit to the authorities “as people who are free,” but to God “as slaves of God.” Like the first-century eleutheroi (free men, in contrast to slaves) we have both the freedom and the responsibility to evaluate instructions we are given. We submit to human authority, not as slaves to men, but to God. 

For Christian wives, this changes everything. If God says it, we do it. If your husband says it, you must have this fundamental disposition to submission, but you must evaluate everything he says according to God’s word. You have both the right and responsibility to refuse obedience if your husband is calling you to do something that goes against your conscience or the Word of God. Christian submission is never blind or blanket submission. It is always qualified by our obedience to a higher authority. 

While many people object to submission like this, because it limits their freedom, some people prefer to be under someone else’s authority because they can feel that it removes them from any responsibility! On the contrary, Christians must never use someone else’s authority as an excuse for sin. We are all responsible, as slaves of God, not to offer blind unquestioning submission to anyone.

Thirdly, submission is how we win.

Preferences can produce big problems in a marriage. So can a simple desire to lead. Peter however, says submission is how we win souls. So he says to wives, whenever possible, give up your petty preferences, sacrifice your competing desires to lead, and place yourself under your husband’s authority! 

This isn’t something strange or new, it is simply the meekness that Jesus taught in Matthew 5:5 put on display in marriage. Jesus said the meek are blessed, because they will inherit the earth. Meek people are those who don’t grasp or fight to get what they want. They reject the dog-eat-dog mentality of the world. They don’t believe that this life is everything! Meek people are focused on their eternal reward rather than temporary victories in this life. They believe God cares about every tiny act of submission—even in the home, and that he will reward it.  

No doubt this will upset many. They’ll say “How does submitting to your husband’s preferences and leadership in the home win souls?” Actually, meekness is a winning evangelistic strategy because it confounds the watching world. Maybe they’ll tell you you’re mad. Perhaps they’ll say, “If you don’t fight for yourself, nobody else will!” What they’re asking, even if that’s how they phrase it, is “How do you do that? How come you have this hope?” You’ll need to be ready (cf. 3:15). “I’m glad you asked, let me tell you… my hope is not in this life. I’m just a pilgrim here. I have an incredible inheritance coming!” And then you must explain the gospel.

Fourthly, the worst of circumstances can be the best opportunity to win souls.

It’s often easy to think that when we find ourselves in difficult situations, in this case difficult marriages to difficult men, that our witness is hampered. That’s not true! Secretly such thinking says, in effect, that if only I had a great Christian marriage, then unbelievers would be won, because they’d want what I have. That is the lie put out by the prosperity gospel preachers! They believe that unbelievers will be saved when they see how outwardly blessed Christians are in this life. The reality has always been that true Christians have generally suffered terribly in this life, and have been downtrodden. The reality is that the darker your situation, the more opportunity you have to shine the light of your hope to a watching world.

Fifthly, submission does mean not to fight for your best life now. 

The submission commanded here means you choose not to fight for the best possible life now. For many, if not most, Christian women this fear of missing out on a better life is a big part of what drives an unsubmissive spirit. It’s what often lies behind nagging and all kinds of other sinful manipulative behaviour behind closed doors.

Often people critique this kind of submission that Peter prescribes, by pointing to the danger of a battered wife being told to stay and submit to her husband. That is not however the situation being addressed here. The Bible has clear advice for someone in a truly abusive situation (Proverbs 22:3) and Christians should never be counselling battered wives to stay and suffer, using these verses from 1 Peter 3. 

The reality Peter is getting at here is submitting to preferences, to headship and leadership decisions which the husband has the authority to make. This obviously isn’t talking about submitting to sin, but a voluntary self-submission which says “I will submit to this preference or this decision for the sake of his soul, or the souls of the watching world.” This does obviously mean, however, that you won’t always get what you want! And that is the great fear that drives wives into so much trouble. 

Another fear is that even if you do submit, your husband might not even notice! However the likelihood is that if you’ve been using sinful methods to get your way, the most oblivious of husbands will most likely notice if you stop! With manipulative techniques off the table, if you resolve to submit in this way, he’ll notice. It may not end up in him being saved but those watching your marriage will also notice, and one way or another you will have an opportunity to share the gospel and maybe even win some souls! That, for a genuine daughter of God, would be worth it.

So, we submit to win! It’s God’s counterintuitive evangelistic strategy, and it’s how we display our hope before a watching world.