There is something truly wonderful about a church characterised by real brotherly love. Jesus said, ‘By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another’ (John 13:35). The presence of brotherly love is so unnatural and otherworldly that it will lead those outside the church to talk about it. Reports of it inevitably spread, as they did about the church in Ephesus (Ephesians 1:15).

This brotherly love can be seen in churches even amongst people from clashing cultural categories. In Colossians 3:11, Paul shows that the old categories—Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian and Scythian, slave and free—simply no longer existed in the church, ‘because Christ is all, and in all.’ Think about it: you have converted Israeli Jews worshipping Jesus together with Palestinian Arabs; Serbs and Croats, Russians and Ukrainians, Hutus and Tutsis in the same fellowship united in love.

However, when brotherly love is absent the picture can be very different. Churches can claim the name of Christ and yet be cold. Others may seem warm and welcoming with creative structures to foster connection while still lacking affection.

A church as it should be has brotherly love at the heart of everything. As crushed oranges produce orange juice, when a true church is crushed, it bleeds love.

In recent articles we’ve looked at four of the five qualities from 1 Peter 3:8 which describe Church as it Should Be. Today we finish with the fifth and final—the one at the heart of them all: brotherly love.

What is brotherly love?

The word ‘brotherly’ describes a family-like relationship. It means you now regard every other Christian as family. The Greek word for brotherly love is philadelphoi: philos, meaning love for someone who is dear to you, and adelphos, ‘brother’, which literally means ‘from the same womb’. Even if you come from different tribes, nations or backgrounds, if you are both in Christ, you are family.

Yet this goes beyond mere connection—Peter is talking about brotherly affection. You can call someone ‘bro’, ‘brah’ or ‘sistah’ and feel no true affection toward them. Brotherly love is sincere affection—the kind of dear, family love you have for a close relative. Peter already spoke of it in 1 Peter 1:22: ‘you were purified by obedience to the truth into a sincere brotherly love’. Paul talks about it in Romans 12:9: ‘Let love be genuine… love one another with brotherly affection (philadelphia).’

The world is watching how we treat each other. They see the looks on our faces as we greet one another. They see how we talk about and live with each other. When those outside the church look at you, do they see brotherly love? Do they see it in your church? We would all hope to have the brotherly love that Paul described the church in Thessalonica as having. In 1 Thessalonians 4:9, he says, ‘Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another.’ Yet this didn’t stop him from encouraging them to continue to excel. He says in the next verse, ‘But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more’ (1 Thessalonians 4:10). Praise God where true brotherly love exists in your life. Yet we all have so much more to learn in this area!

What hinders brotherly love?

1. Salvation is missing

If brotherly love is missing in your life, it may be because salvation is too. The Apostle John is clear: ‘he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen’ (1 John 4:20). There’s no such thing as a loveless Christian. You may have grown up in church, memorised doctrine, and be able to say ‘I love God’ and confess ‘Jesus is the Messiah.’ However, a lack of love for your brother contradicts those claims. 1 John 5:1 says, ‘Everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of him.’ If brotherly love is missing, the Holy Spirit may be missing. If this describes you, may it lead to serious self-examination, sincere repentance and salvation.

2. True believers are ‘othering’ each other

Even amongst true believers, brotherly love can be hindered by othering one another. This happens when you view your fellow Christian not as a brother but as ‘other’—as ‘them’ rather than ‘us’. The process starts when you form an ‘us’ around some other identity. You might say you’re a black Christian. A British Christian. A young Christian. Or even a Reformed Christian. However, if we put any other label in front of the word ‘Christian’, we’re in great danger. In Colossians 3:11 Paul insists that in the church the stark divisions that exist in society simply don’t apply.

It’s important to note that cultural, ethnic and national distinctions are not actually erased when you become a Christian. Paul referred to himself as ‘a Jew from Tarsus’ (Acts 21:39). Inside the church however, they must never become the basis for an ‘us’ that others ‘them’. If this is what’s hindering your love, quit othering people; brother them instead!

3. Something is smothering the fire of the Holy Spirit’s work in your life

Brotherly love can also be lacking because something is quenching (1 Thessalonians 5:19) or grieving the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30). If even the model church in Thessalonica needed the reminder, we all do! The fruit of the Spirit begins with love (Galatians 5:22). When you were first converted, that love poured out toward every Christian you encountered. However, maybe you’ve found that initial fire of love has been quenched by sin. While the Spirit cannot be extinguished in a true believer, unrepentant sin can suppress the Spirit’s fruit. When sin is tolerated, we grieve the Holy Spirit and smother his work in our life. This can even happen on such a scale that entire churches can become lukewarm and need to repent (Revelation 3:16).

If you no longer feel this brotherly love towards your fellow Christians, ask whether sin is smothering the Spirit’s work. If so, you need to repent. Think about it: God the Father loved that person from eternity and gave his Son for them. God the Son left heaven and died for them. God the Holy Spirit brought them to faith and now even lives in them! What could grieve the Holy Spirit more than for you to withhold your love from those whom God has actually adopted as his children?

Conclusion

Brotherly love must be at the heart of everything in the church. If you have none because you are not saved, ‘seek the Lord while he may be found’ (Isaiah 55:6). If you are ‘othering’ people, repent and brother them instead. If you are grieving the Spirit, deal with this decisively. We must do whatever it takes! For church to be as it should be, the church must be a place where brotherly love is on display.