‘Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless…' - 1 Peter 3:9

Do you have a personal culture of payback?

Back in 1998, Donna and I had the privilege of visiting a friend in Papua New Guinea. This was a place where you had to live behind a high wall, build a fence and be prepared to defend your life against people who were coming to kill.

While we were there, we went up to the highlands and people were still living just like that. It was like a trip back in time. And as we walked down the path through the forests towards one village we had to call out in front of us, telling people that we were coming. This was to ensure they weren’t taken by surprise and assumed that we had come to attack them. It could have proved deadly. The people taking us along this path were slightly nervous — with good reason!

The whole village was fortified. They’d dug deep ditches around the village and piled up earthen walls, and on top of the earthen walls were the stockades — tree trunks all sharpened into spikes. Arriving there, the reason for this fortification became apparent: we saw the freshly made tomb of a man who’d been killed by another tribe in an act of payback.

So, do you have a personal culture of payback? Christians don’t do payback. This is basic Christian teaching! Jesus said, ‘Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.’ (Matthew 5:39). In Luke 6:27–28, he said, ‘Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.’ Paul tells Christians, ‘Repay no one evil for evil.’ (Romans 12:17). It doesn’t get plainer than this, does it?

In recent articles in our Church as It Should Be series, starting in 1 Peter 3:8, we looked at the five adjectives that should describe all Christians: unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart and a humble mind. In this article, we’ll cover 1 Peter 3:9 in two parts. Peter, still addressing the church, teaches us that Christians don’t do payback; rather, we ‘bless back’.

Part 1: Don’t Do Payback

‘Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling’

What ‘Evil’ Means

‘Evil’ is a word with a broader meaning in Greek (kakos) than in English. It can mean sinister evil, something morally wrong or, significantly, something that is simply harmful. This word can apply to any situation where someone has done something bad to you — not only what we would label in English as ‘evil’. You don’t have to have experienced something particularly evil to feel, ‘Someone hurt me. I want to hurt them back. What they did was bad. They’ve got to pay!’

Reviling for Reviling

This can apply even to the things said to you — ‘reviling for reviling’. Reviling is, to quote the dictionary, ‘speech that is highly insulting’. However, it doesn’t have to be foul language to qualify. This word covers people insulting or hurting you with their words, even if those words are very polite in their choice.

Peter is saying that the temptation we face when someone verbally insults us is to return fire verbally: to give them a piece of our mind, to bark back. Is this something you engage in? Reviling can characterise your marriage, your family life and your working relationships. ‘They hurt me. They must pay’ can easily become our mentality.

Your payback doesn’t even have to be particularly overt or loud. Ignoring the person who has hurt you, becoming grumpy, withholding love and being passive-aggressive are among a hundred other examples of how we can engage in payback. Whether you fit at the nasty or passive-aggressive end of the scale, the truth remains: Christians don’t do payback.

Non-Christians even realise that payback doesn’t work. Yet it doesn’t stop us, or them, from wanting to try it. We fool ourselves into thinking it will be a deterrent against future bad behaviour. ‘I’ll hurt them back. They’ll think twice about ever doing that again.’ We think it will be justice: ‘That was wrong. Somebody’s got to pay, and I’m going to be judge, jury and executioner.’

What will stop you from payback?

How do you deny the flesh its pound of flesh in this regard? What will stop you from payback? It has to be your hope and your desire to put that hope on display, as has been the theme of this section of Peter’s letter all the way back to 2:12. We must follow in the footsteps of Jesus. ‘When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.’ (1 Peter 2:23).

We must also fix our hope on what we have in the gospel — Jesus dying for our sins on the cross, including our sins of payback. We must remember the inheritance stored up for us in heaven. We don’t have to hit back and have it all our way now. We gladly place ourselves low and ‘outdo one another in showing honour’ (Romans 12:10). We won’t be as tempted to do payback i we hold on to this hope and are humble.

Part 2: Instead, Bless Back

Not only do Christians not do payback; instead, they ‘bless back’. ‘Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless.’ (1 Peter 3:9).

In the church, you will see evil — because the church is made up of sinners. But though you see it and hear it, you refuse to speak it. Instead, you choose to speak good.

What does it mean to bless someone?

The Greek dictionary describes three basic ways to understand the meaning of the word translated ‘bless’ (eulogountes). These are very practical in showing how we go about ‘blessing back’ instead of paying back.

1. Praise them

Praise them to their face or to someone else. Imagine someone really hurts you: they’re late to serve with you, and it has cost you. Or they’ve said something unkind. The temptation will be to gossip, give them the cold shoulder or withhold love from them. But these would just be forms of payback. Instead, you bless back and praise them! You find something good to say about them.

2. Pray for them

In addition to praise, you can pray. According to the Greek dictionary definition, to bless someone by praying for them means ‘to ask for a bestowal of special favour, especially by calling down God’s gracious power’.

You can choose to follow in Jesus’ footsteps: as he was dying on the cross, he prayed, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ (Luke 23:34). Stephen likewise prayed, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ (Acts 7:60), as his head was pounded by rocks. The way to bless back is to pray for those who have caused you harm.

3. Surprise them with good

The third practical application of this word’s meaning is to do something good for them: to surprise them with some practical expression of kindness. (Prayer, of course, is also practical!)

I know a lady whose father cut her off and said some really nasty things to her. As she was hurting, she was also thinking about Romans 12:21: ‘Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.’ She asked, ‘How do I overcome evil with good?’ So she sent him a gift with a note. That was her way of saying, ‘There’s something good that I can do.’ Blessing means practical benefit: surprising them by doing something good for them.

The Thessalonians were a model church. Paul said that they did not need anyone to write to them about brotherly love because God had taught them to love one another (1 Thessalonians 4:9). And yet, in 1 Thessalonians 5:15, Paul still had to remind them, ‘See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.’

To choose to bless back instead of payback, we’re going to have to be humble and low-minded. We’re going to have to think more highly of others than we do of ourselves. We’re going to have to be willing to suffer because it hurts our pride. It means swallowing suffering. It'll means following in Jesus’ footsteps for the sake of others. Jesus got down on his hands and knees and washed the disciples’ smelly feet. If we do this, we’ll simply be following him. Now, wouldn’t that be radical?

Christian, don’t do payback; instead, bless back!

Conclusion

Some people I meet in church remind me of that fortified village in Papua New Guinea. They’re like a walking, prickly, defensive, fortified village. They’ve spent years digging ditches, building walls and preparing themselves to attack anyone who attacks them. They’ve experienced plenty of attacks, and they’re jumpy. If you take them by surprise, look at them the wrong way or say something in a tone of voice they don’t like, they attack you.

What do we do with people like that in the church? Where do they belong? If they are truly Christ’s — if they are truly saved — they belong in the church, though they have a problem that needs to be dealt with.

Churches are going to have people like that. Paul says, ‘Our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty.’ (1 Corinthians 12:23). Maybe they’re not put on another ministry team because they blow up every team they join. But we want them in the church.

Maybe you’re that person, and you’ve even stopped coming to church because wherever you go, you upset people and then leave. You’re prickly and defensive. Instead of attacking people, you must learn how to bless them. In the church, the war is over. And so we take our fingers off the trigger; we put down our weapons and pick up this response instead: you don’t pay back; you bless back.